In memory of my mother

Foreword: First of all, sorry if the English translation is not always appropriate, it is not my native language. 

I started writing this post the month my mom passed away.

I wanted to remember everything that had happened during that time—all the story from the beginning, her situation with the illness.

Then, at some point, I stopped.

I needed time to think, and I eventually came to the conclusion that, above all else, it would be better to share who she was and remember her during happy times, focusing on the wonderful person she was rather than dwelling solely on the difficult events and the illness that took her from me on that fateful May 17, 2024.

Today, November 15, would have been her 76th birthday.

I would have called her, wished her a happy birthday, and probably spent the evening streaming games she loved to entertain her and spend time together, even from a distance.

I’m sharing this post today, on this important day dedicated to her, and I’ll write the story of her illness and what we experienced for another time, another day.

Today, I want to focus only on the best of her—after all, that was one of her last wishes.

Happy birthday, Mom. I love you!

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Today, I want to tell you about my mom. I want to share the story of the wonderful person she was and the passions we shared, from video games to cosplay. She was “one of us.” Despite her age, she always appreciated the interests of the “nerd” community—especially video games—to the point where she even participated in some social media groups.

Mamy was a fundamental pillar for me, not just in life but in everything I’ve achieved.In my hobbies, and especially in cosplay, her help and skills with sewing were always there for me. Even when I created things entirely on my own, I always drew upon what she had taught me.

Her name was Angela.

She was a kind, affectionate, passionate, outgoing, and youthful person, but she never hesitated to speak her mind when she saw something she thought was wrong. She could be an angel, but if someone wronged her, she wasn’t afraid to let them know exactly how she felt!

A true animal lover—especially of cats—she had a gentle soul, but she wasn’t one to back down if it meant standing up for someone or causing a stir when needed. I remember her as someone who was very interactive with people, a great conversationalist—quite the opposite of me!

She loved cooking, sewing, painting on glass (she created an impressive collection of painted bottles), exploring new places, and music (she even enjoyed some metal, like Blind Guardian). She adored all things fantasy, from movies to books, with The Lord of the Rings being one of her greatest passions.

One of her unfulfilled dreams was owning a camper! She didn’t have a driver’s license, but she always dreamed of having a camper of her own.

She loved having fun, laughing, joking, talking about politics (she was a big supporter of Giuseppe Conte, one of the few honest and admirable politicians in Italy), and giving and receiving companionship. She craved connection with others as much as she needed air to breathe. When she was young, she was incredibly beautiful, with her raven-black hair, sweet coffee-colored eyes, and sun-kissed skin. I know she broke quite a few hearts!

When she was a child, she told me she was quite the firecracker. Her sister was sometimes bothered by bullies, and whenever she cried, my mom would rush to her defense: she'd grab the bullies by their hair, throw them to the ground, and jump on their stomachs!

One day, as I was walking through town with her, we ran into one of her old elementary school classmates. I remember him laughing as he said, “Your mom really gave me quite a beating when I was a kid!”We laughed about it—Mom really was a force of nature and a strong woman who never tolerated injustice or bullies, even from a young age. She was always petite, but she had incredible strength, so to me, she was always a bit of a hero.

She also told me she wasn’t at all the “doll-playing” type. Playing with dolls bored her; she preferred adventures and tagging along with her dad on his work trips in the truck rather than staying home, sitting quietly, and brushing doll hair.She once said that when an aunt gifted her a doll, she quickly got bored of it. While waiting at the station with her mom, she threw the doll under a moving train. Naturally, her mom was furious and asked why on earth she’d thrown a brand-new doll onto the tracks.She replied something like, “Well, it’s not new anymore—it’s dead now!” She would have gotten along so well with Wednesday and Morticia Addams! <3

As a child, she gave the dentist’s fingers a good chewing when her mother took her to the clinic to fix a tooth. The dentist was trying to calm her down, promising she wouldn’t feel a thing if she drank the “medicine” in the glass (back then, anesthesia wasn’t used). But she felt deceived: even as a little girl, she knew it was just water. So, as soon as he tried to open her mouth, she bit down hard on his fingers, and her mother had to drag her out of the office.

Now you’ve got the full picture! No one could make a fool of her or keep her quiet and still!

(My mom, as a young woman, knocking down a man with a skilled judo move! She would be a great character in Shenmue, don't you think? :D)

I remember when we used to play role-playing games, like Hero Quest, where she always played the barbarian character. The game always started the same way: Mom the barbarian, would charge in headfirst, immediately triggering ALL the damn traps in the room, and ALL the monster ambushes, one after another! :°D

As I’ve mentioned, she always helped me enthusiastically with my cosplays.

For the Bayonetta costume, she worked wonders because I had bought it online, but what arrived at my door was completely different from the listing – it was awful.

I needed it for a convention and was really disappointed and stressed, but thanks to her invaluable help, we managed to turn that terrible costume into something fantastic, and it became a huge hit both at the convention and online!

We paid attention to every detail, and we were so proud of the final result.

She sewed costumes for me like Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon, Impa from Ocarina of Time, Petrine from Fire Emblem, Orchid from Killer Instinct Gold (before the recent remake), Lara Croft, Rinoa from FF8... she went crazy because I was always so picky!

She had made Sailor Mars and Sailor Venus costumes for me and my twin sister, for a carnival when we were kids.

I had always wished to cosplay together with her, just once in my life.

Recently, I thought she would have been perfect as Charon from Final Fantasy 16, and she loved the idea, but we didn’t have time.

There were so many things we still wanted to do, like teaching me to sew and passing on her skills, which are now lost...

Well, she would have been amazing!

The love for games and video games is something my sister and I passed on to her, ever since 1994 when dad gave us an NES console.

Mom was always curious, a lover of novelties, and even in her later years, she was always a modern and youthful lady, despite her difficulties (like many parents, she would sometimes make mistakes with the use of the computer and smartphone).

She used to tell us that in her time (born in 1948), it wasn't exactly well-regarded for a woman to be involved with such "devilish" things. We’re talking about a time when a woman wasn’t even free to uncover her ankle.

Mom always did things her way, defied all the rules, didn’t care about judgments, wore what she liked, and was interested in whatever she wanted, even if that meant clashing with her family.

Mom in the '60s/'70s: One of her other loves was fashion, and she never gave up on style. I adore this photo; it looks like it’s straight out of one of those retro-futuristic series!

It was inevitable for her to get involved with the first games we had, like Mario Bros, and once even let us skip an afternoon of school to play a few rounds together.

As time went on and technology evolved, mom became genuinely passionate about the stories in video games, and she began following them with us regularly. She didn’t play herself, thinking she wasn’t good enough, but she loved watching me and my sister to play.

I remember when I was a kid and didn’t know English, she helped me translate the dialogues and story of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, because mom had learned the language when she lived in Africa for three years during her youth (she always spoke with so much nostalgia about that time and would have loved to go back).

Photos of mom in Africa, when she was young. Many video games brought back memories of her trip over 40 years ago.

Her passion truly ignited when she joined us in playing games like Eternal Darkness, Shadowman, FF8, ICO, Shadow of the Colossus, Soul Reaver, Blood Omen, Shadow of Memories, Jet Force Gemini, Shadowgate 64, and many more.

I remember that on the Wii, she particularly enjoyed The Shadow Tower, one of my favorite games that is hardly talked about anymore!

Then, her infinite love for Shenmue hit her like a bolt of lightning when we got a Dreamcast just to play Yu Suzuki's masterpiece. I have such fond memories of that time.

I'm sure mom appreciated it so much because, in a way, she could identify with Ryo's journey.

She was deeply immersed in the story, helping us translate every dialogue, and when we reached the end credits, I remember she was a bit stunned, realizing the story wasn’t finished! We had to wait to get Shenmue 2, and I remember her impatience because she couldn’t wait to see how it would end. Ah, back then I didn’t have the heart to tell her "mom, unfortunately Shenmue 2 won’t have an ending either, and Shenmue 3 probably doesn’t exist and may never exist!" :°)

With Shenmue 2 in hand, the involvement was even more intense, and we became attached to all the characters: She had a huge crush on Ren! <3

But everything in Shenmue 2 was even more amazing, the routine, the exploration of the streets of China, the feeling of having to make do by earning a few coins for the hotel by doing odd jobs, the eerie atmosphere of the rundown streets of Kowloon, and finally the wonder of Guilin.

I remember Ryo and Shenua walking through the blooming pathways along the river, with that delicate music playing, and mom completely absorbed in listening and commenting, utterly enchanted.

At that time, we always talked about Shenmue, so much so that I painted a portrait of Ryo and Shennua for her, that she hung up at home.

Mom in front of the Shenmue painting I made for her.

Of course, she was once again very disappointed when she found out that the story might never reach a conclusion, but our hope stayed alive all those years. We were still grateful for the experience we lived, and it remained one of those games we never got tired of playing over time, and it stayed in Mom's heart forever.

So you can imagine the euphoria when, after so many years, the news of Shenmue 3 finally arrived! What an emotional day that was, Mom was so happy.

Unfortunately, that fateful November 19, 2019, was overshadowed by terrible news: not only was it the release of Shenmue 3, but it was also the day she was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer.

A cruel twist of fate, but it didn’t stop us from bursting with joy when, finally, the third chapter we had dreamed of for so many years, was in our hands.

Mom loved this third game too, it almost felt like going back in time. The feeling, the curiosity in exploring, the empathy for Ryo, getting lost in the little daily activities of Shenmue—everything remained almost unchanged.

It’s a shame that, once again, the story didn’t reach the conclusion she had hoped for!

So it was truly a stab to the heart when she told me, “I don’t think I’ll ever see the end!”

Those words really hurt.

Video games are nothing compared to health issues, but they were one of her pleasures, and they helped her distract herself and escape from her thoughts (she had a habit of tormenting herself, especially about things from the past she constantly dwelled on).

Unfortunately, that’s how it is—Mom will never see the end of it, maybe none of us will, who knows.

Maybe we’ll never get Shenmue 4, but if it ever comes, I’ll play it for her, thinking of her.

I would love to have the chance to include a dedication to Mom in the game’s credits, if the project ever becomes a reality one day!

Or even better, it would be amazing to have her as a PNG in the game! It would be a true honor.

But Mom wasn’t just a fan of Shenmue.

Among her favorite current franchises were also Gears of War, which she followed from the first to the fifth game! The first time she saw it was in a commercial, with "Mad World" playing in the background (which she called "the music of Gears of War"). That song stayed in her head forever.

For one of her birthdays, we even gave her a Marcus Fenix action figure, another character she fell in love with, which she kept proudly on her nightstand. She followed the entire saga with us and was eagerly awaiting the next installment.

You can imagine the pain I felt when they announced the Gears prequel just shortly after her death, with a trailer that used that exact same song that had made her fall in love with it the first time. She would have been so happy!

Other games she loved included Alan Wake (in the last period, I was playing Alan Wake 2 for her, now left on hold since May), Banishers, Horizon, Skyrim, and Oblivion. She also really liked the two A Plague Tale games, Ghostwire Tokyo, Control, and she adored unique games like Mundaun!

She definitely loved adventure and horror games more than any other genre, especially those with a strong narrative!

I believe she would have loved games like Immortals of Aveum, Judgment, Quantum Break, Hellblade 2, Evil West, but there wasn’t enough time.

Not to mention her love for Final Fantasy 7: when I started playing the remake, she got so passionate that she went on YouTube to follow the entire original story! She couldn’t resist, and she was right to do so, because if she had waited, she would have never seen its conclusion.

She really identified with the characters: she often said that Cloud and Tifa reminded her of her youth.

Just before she passed away, I wanted to play FF7 Rebirth for her, even though I hadn’t played Crisis Core yet. She insisted that I absolutely had to play Crisis Core first to understand Zack’s story, and told me not to worry about her because she already knew the story of FF7.

That doesn’t change the fact that I wish I could have continued playing with her, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to move past all this to continue on my own. If only they had made a complete remake, instead of splitting it into episodes...

In the end, Horizon 2 was the only game she managed to follow a bit with me and my sister during her palliative care period. I’m glad we were able to distract her a little in those moments and reignite her passion; it was important. Day by day, she grew more tired and distant, and we had to do our best to keep her focused, so she wouldn’t sleep too much during the day. But that’s a story I’ll share another time.

The last game I finished with her was Mundaun, made by a single developer (Hidden Fields, if I remember correctly).

A truly wonderful game that has stayed in my heart and brings back so much nostalgia, remembering those lovely Saturday nights spent with her.

Mundaun: the last game that captivated my mom is a title I recommend to anyone looking for a hidden gem.

There’s still so much more to talk about and remember... all the things we’ve lived through. I wonder what else she knew, or thinking, that she never told me. What else was beautiful in her thoughts?

Mom had the soul of an artist. I still have some of her sketches, rough drafts here and there. I still have a lot to organize, so many of her things left there unchanged, echoing softly.

I hope I’ve shared a little bit of her with you, on this day that was hers, just hers.

Again, Happy Birthday, Mom, I love you!